Girls Girls Girls

I think the title of this post is kinda a big foreshadow of what this post is about.

To be honest, girls have always been so interesting and have held a idol like place within my life.  I understand that nothing is supposed to come before God and i believe that i am keeping him first.  I believe that i have laid these idols at his feet and walked away and not looked back in hopes of something more between me and that "idol."

My mindset of dating is a little different then most guys and i honestly guard myself now from going to future focused or delving right into this mindset of dating when it comes to girls.  

I know most of this post will be jumbled up thoughts but hopefully it will all come together to paint somewhat of a consistent and descriptive picture of where i am at.

Last night at Echo my mind was so distracted, plus i was really tired so i didn't take away too much from last nights lesson, which is a shame.  But anyways my mind was distracted by the days events and just some friendships that are starting up, one with a girl more specifically.  I just want to get to know her but it is so conflicting with other interests of encouraging and pursuing others.  I am lost and have no idea what is right or what to do.  But as i was thinking about everything and just praying to God, this idea of trusting him came into my mind.

See ever since i started dating in college my mind has been consumed with this pursuit of a girl.  It hasn't always been the same girl, just a girl in general.  My actions, mind and everything reflects this pursuit and at times i have let that girl slip into a place where she should not be... above God.  

Throughout this pursuit, I have had some great conversations with some amazing and knowledgeable people which have helped shape me into the person i am today when it comes to relationships.  I can still see some of my old self shining through and i can still see myself becoming a man consumed fully by God as he directs me in life and as he allows me pursuits, especially pursuits of THAT girl.  

All of that to say this, last night God spoke to me saying... "give all of your worries, all of your pursuits, all of these girl situations and thoughts to me.  Give them up.  Trust me."  And i found myself having a struggle doing that.  I found myself not willing to let go fully.  I found myself thinking, well what if relationships are ruined, what if we never start dating, what will she think.  God i still want to encourage them,  I still want to hang out with them.  And to be honest, even now my mind and my everything is having so much trouble letting go, but i know i need to.  I need to fully let go of all of that to him.

I dont know what is going to happen, i don't know what is next.  All i know is that as hard as it is going to be, i am going to trust in God.  I don't know what my actions will be or anything, i just know that i need to give all of this up.  So pray for me, and if i can pray for you, let me know.  Because right now i have no idea about a lot of stuff, but i do know that i desire to be in a community that lifts each other up.