Fear that Grips

There is something (hint hint, look at the title) that is gripping my life.  It started quite a little bit ago when I was trying to do a gainer.  (Running forwards and jumping and then doing a back flip)  My body gets stuck sometimes strait up and down, i fear with everything in my to do an entire flip.  My legs stay stiff or my upper half does and so there is no rotation.  I know you are thinking, Paul you crazy, kid, this is nothing to worry about.  I would agree, accept this one little instance is affecting me in really small yet impacting ways. 

I mean with every decision above my basic needs there is now this little voice in the back of my head saying ahhhh you cant do it.  Don't worry about it.  I get weak on the inside, my body goes numb and i have to really really concentrate and think hard to actually complete a simple task.  I love to give platelets, i know you are saying who loves to get needles stuck into them and get there blood taken out, filtered and then put back into them.  Well that person is me, it is huge and impacting for other peoples lives.  Cancer patients will get those platelets and it will give them a little something something to help them live.  The reason how i found out about platelets and the reason why i give is in honor of one of the most amazing women, one of the best mom's i can think of, Marge Lipop.  What an amazing women of God.  She was absolutely beautiful.  I loved her servants heart as she believed in us youth and as she served us and brought joy to everyone around her.  It was an encouragement to here from Mr. Lipop how she actually cared and loved for me.  I was too young to actually give platelets at the time, but now, for her and everyone else... I give.  But there is a greater fear then before about giving them.  I can literally feel a slight pain in the arm as i think about giving.

Then there is being myself.  God is creating me to be more outgoing and sociable for his glory and his purpose.  It is amazing to see how he actually is changing me.  But there was this social gathering at my friends apartment, FOXXY MOMMA! and one of his roommates is the RA of that building and so there was a bunch of people over.  So i was just being myself and goofing around and saying some stuff to help break the awkward silence for them.  Well i was about to leave and the Fox and the guys that i was there to see, we were off in another room asked me to sing a little.  The phrase that you must shout out with umpf is "My mind is telling me know... but my body, but my bodys tellin me yes!"  So it took me awhile to break through this dumb fear and actually just shout it to the roof tops.

I know these aren't important scenarios, but how far will this fear grip me?  In what way is it going to hinder me?  I want it gone, i want to do that gainer, i want to shout out what my bodys telling me, (haha) i want to live OUT LOUD... but how can i when this fear grips me and is choking me out?