How He Loves

I wish I and everyone else could understand the truth of these lyrics:

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight
Of His wind and mercy
All of a sudden I am unaware of
These afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so

Yeah He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves

We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If His grace is an ocean we’re all sinking
And heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way

That He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves

Yeah He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves

Eddie Kirkland - How He Loves

I find that these lyrics and the beauty of God's love is made most evident and clear to me in the times that i am most undeserving of God's unending love.  I find it amazing that in the worst of times i can find myself consumed and surrounded by his grace and love.  As my back is turned to God... he is always turned towards me whispering, shouting, speaking, showing, his love for me.  I wish with everything in me that i could fully grasp his love for me so that could reciprocate it in full not only towards him but towards those around me. I wish with everything in me that my grasp of his love would penetrate my very being, everything i do so that i can live all out for him.

Somehow find a version of this song, and just let the words play over you and dwell on his perfect and unending love for you.  I have a feeling more posts about his love will be coming soon.  Just for the 411. :)

Oh...

I wish i could fully grasp and understand just how much he does, because i would reciprocate it in full.

Learning in Alaska

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

-Scott Kirby

(haha, he says he heard it from his brother or something)

Mixed Madness

The world is your oyster,

so make lemonade.

-Paul Stippich

First of 2 (well not really)

I just want to put some of my favorite quotes up here... but i want to do it in the most lengthy way possible, so i am going to make separate posts for each quote... you know to give each one the honor and respect they deserve.

N-C-Squared

I love this Kid!!! It was so great seeing him not only in a leadership role this weekend, but it was a blast seeing him after he has been gone for way to stinkin long.

I love you Nathan Cornelius Cook!

Eastside's D-Now Weekend

So in case you missed the last post, just started reading the blog, or just plain forgot... This past weekend was Eastside Baptist Church's D-Now.  It was amazing seeing over 150 kids come to the weekend and rock it out.  The theme was Becoming (becoming more like Christ, him transforming you and breaking you of your old ways into something he is longing for you to become)

So the weekend started off at the host homes for the middle schoolers and some of the high schoolers who didn't show up to their Friday night football game.  There was five inflatables, a hotdog eating contest, probably the best brownies in the world and much more.  It was just a time for kids to invite their friends to something fun and to also just have one amazing kick off.  

Saturday night was the night where we had a service.  It had music and speaking and everything. haha.

Well for me, i had 18 guys the entire weekend, luckily i shared the responsibility with another pretty amazing guy named Nathan Evans.  The first hour and a half that we had the kids, they went crazy but after that they pretty much settled down to a nice rowdiness for the whole weekend. :)  Well Nathan and i split the teaching times and even though the kids were pretty respectful and pretty interactive for being 7th and 8th graders there was still plenty of time of trying to focus and quiet them down, which was perfectly fine.

The whole weekend was about getting these kids to realize God's desire to break them of their flesh, of their sin, of things that God hates; to become something that he desires for them so greatly to become.  At the end of the weekend we gave them cardboard to write on one said the phrase " I was..." (Fill in the blank) and on the other side "I am becoming..." (Fill in the blank).

The example that i gave them, i have actually wrote about in a blog before, was this "I was: Lust, Greed, Hate.  I am becoming: Love, Sacrifice, Community."

So as we got the kids to write on the cardboard we played the song How He Loves.  

The whole purpose of this cardboard thing was to give the church a real life example of what happened on this weekend and to see the theme be played out in real life.

I hope and pray that these kids, all 18 who i, by God's grace alone, memorized their names, understand how much God loves them and that he desires so greatly to break them of themselves and of the world to transform them into something so beautiful and something that is 100% HIM.  I hope these kids, if not now, will look back at some point in their life at this weekend and realize that they are becoming something great, or at least have the opportunity to.

Also, i will end with this.  It was so beautiful to see what some of the students wrote on their boards, and it was encouraging and exciting to see some of the decisions that were made by them to follow after Christ and be Baptized.  I mean one of my guys decided TO GET BAPTIZED!!! HOW BEAUTIFUL AND EXCITING IS THAT?  I am pumped to hear and see what God will continue to do.

Here are some pictures from the weekend. (Sunday Morning)

Grant Von Bromley (the trusty cameraman - he is going to be big someday... not size wise, like career wise)

TD!!! You stud you

Aerial View

Some of MY BOYZ!

Great Reminder

Well this past weekend was Eastside Baptist Church's Disciple Now weekend.  It was an amazing time as over 150 kids showed up for an amazing purpose of learning more about what it means to become.  The weekend was called Becoming and it looked mainly at Paul's life and his transformation from Saul to Paul and what his life became.

I will write more on the weekend specifically later, you know, like within the next blog post.

Any who, as i was preparing for all of these lessons and going through the scriptures and main points something hit me pretty big.  As i was going through these four lessons i noticed that i had just taught the first session a few weeks ago to a youth group.  As i went through the second session i realized that i had just learned about this a few days before from a College Bible study i go to, and as i hit the third lesson i realized that i had been studying and reading about this sessions theme for months.  And hearing and learning about the fourth lesson, i could see it in my own life as i struggled to live it out, as i struggled with Christ to live consumed with him and living as he desires me to live.

In looking in these lessons it was a pretty amazing reminder that i am becoming something new.  That on this journey with Christ he is rocking my world and changing me to be more like him.  He is breaking my heart for what breaks his.  And today as i read a friends blog, (click on the word blog), i am reminded of the next few steps that would be pretty clutch to take. 

God is pretty amazing in what he uses to build you and change you.  I am glad there are constant reminders of his glory all around.  Have you seen any yet?

MUCKFEST 08

So there is this little thing called Muckfest at Sublime for Middle Schoolers. (Sublime being the name of the youth group of North Metro Church) It is the Largest Food Fight in Georgia... at least for that day. :)

Let me explain the crazyness of what is supposed to go down. The goal of the entire night is to get the opposing grades "queens" (can be guy or girl, doesn't matter) as dirty as possible. To do this said dirtying there are five rounds.

Round 1 Tomato Paste
Round 2 Bushes Baked Beans (YUMMY)
Round 3 Apple Sauce
Round 4 Log House Maple Syrup
Round 5 Flour

After these five incredibly fun and messy and edible rounds the queens come up to the "front" and the kids judge the messiness of their work by yelling and cheering for who they think wins the night. ( What a great system of judging i think, simple and sweet) Well any who, the grade that wins is the 6TH GRADE!!! :)

Why am i so excited, one because as a ref of the night i got to "keep things under control" and get kids messy and get a little messy myself at the same time, but more importantly is because i lead a small group of 6th grade guys. So yah!!! Woot Woot on the win my friends. :)

And here are some pictures to capture the beauty of the night.

After picture of the craziness

Losing Queen number 1

Losing Queen number 2

And the 6th grade queen who dominated and WON!!!

These are me and some of my boys with their friends.

Start of a break

There are certain things my heart breaks for... one of those is individuals that are not typical and who have special needs.  You may be asking why share this or why start a blog off like this... well i feel it very pertinent right now to share what things my heart is breaking for.  To be honest, i am learning what it breaks for at this moment.

This Summer i was in Alaska and it was honestly the first time my heart broke for a certain people.  I have been to places such as Moldova, Canada, other places in the U.S., heard about kids in Africa, but Alaskans are the first people i truly believe my heart has broken for.

All this to say i see God moving in some amazing and... heart breaking ways.  Tonight i was reminded of who my heart is breaking for by watching Behind the Mask, a movie based on a true story staring Donald Sutherland and Matthew Fox.  It is about Sutherland's character coming back to his true love of helping others discovering their self worth and Fox's character being an individual with special needs and who is seeking out respect and his father.

God is breaking me in more ways then one... is he breaking you?

YAY FOR UNKNOWN FUTURE!

I JUST COMPLETED MY HUNDREDTH BLOG POST!!! I AM STINKIN PUMPED AND EXCITED! :)

WOOT WOOT!  I AM SO THANKFUL FOR ALL THE STORIES.

Well have you been here the whole time, part of the time, a second of the time... let me know, and continue to add your stories via responding to things.  We all need to connect and become a community in him and in love. :)

YAY 100TH POST!!!

Unknown Future

Well... i have no idea what my future is.  I know that is perfectly fine.  I really wouldn't like to know the end, to be honest i am not the biggest fan of spoilers. I like the initial surprise, but i do like knowing things.  I like the feeling that i know fo sho that i am doing the right thing and headed the right way, but that is not the season of life i am in right now... and like i said in the beginning that is perfectly fine.

Well recently, for a long recently, i have been reading the Bible all the way through and now i am in Psalm, and yes, there are quite a few of them. :)  I just read Psalm 37 and the verses 4-7a really stood out to me.  In this period of life i am in a time of patience and have no idea what is next.  I hate it, i want to know what to do, but instead i am in a period of waiting of not knowing.  I am in a great period of growth, rebuilding and encouragement.  I am in a period of serving and giving all i have.  I am in a period that is trying to be all i can because everything is spiritual.  I am in a period where... i am lost but Jesus knows the way, and as i rest in him it is all ok.  Even though i don't everything that i should do... i know that he is beautiful and in charge.

Psalm 37: 4-7a "Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.  He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.  Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;"

In reading these verses it hits me that as i follow God... i am his will.  As i delight myself in his ways, as i pursue him, he will guide me.  One thing that i realize mostly is as it says commit your way to the Lord, trust in him, HE WILL ACT.  That is so beautiful to me.  Knowing that as i seek my savior he will act in my behalf.  As i am pursuing him he will guide me and that i am not alone.  To go further it says that he will bring forth my righteousness.  We know that this means he will bring forth my faith, my trust in him because we are declared righteous by our faith in Christ. (Genesis 15: 6)  So as he brings forth my faith and trust he will grow me in those areas and help me live by more strongly by them.

I think the hardest part though is the last sentence... "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him."  To be honest... i dont want to wait.  I don't want to sit in silence.  I want to pray and speak the whole time, i want to rush through life.  But as i go throughout this thing called a relationship with Christ, things are made so much sweeter and more beautiful as God brings things to color as i wait on him.  As i slow down and listen and just sit, God really does come through in some amazing ways.  All in all i am not the most patient person, but i know that God does some amazing things in the time of my waiting for him.  

All of this to say, i think there is still some more hidden meaning in these verses for me.  I think this verse Proverbs 19:21 - "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."  coupled with Psalm 37:4-7a makes a powerful cocktail of love and and Gods splendor.  To realize that God is doing some amazing things and as i wait on him and delight myself in him I AM HIS WILL.  As i sit in the silence, as i sit in beauty his plans will prevail over mine, and THANK YOU GOD FOR THAT! :)  But in this in between and time of wait, i hope to start each day as if it were on purpose.  I hope to patiently wait as God opens my ears and eyes to the joys and struggles around me.  I hope to patiently wait for strength, wisdom, and guidance for what is next in life with school, relationships, job, family... everything.

Patience: in that time the LORD's purpose will prevail because he is there with me, always by my side through everything, no matter if i don't feel him or feel things going great.  

Humbled worshiper

God is amazing!  Great way to start off a blog, i know.  He has blessed me with so many opportunities and places and people to serve and serve along side of.  I think back to my past and all the amazing opportunities and can't imagine how i have been so privileged.  I love it.  I love God.

Even though right now is a time of learning and patience for me, he is still allowing me some amazing opportunities to serve him.  I have been privileged over the past month and a half to help lead worship a few times at North Metro Church in the theater.  It has been an amazing time and God has used it to build trust, humbleness, and confidence in me and who i am.  I honestly at times doubt myself and the skills he has blessed me with but through words of affirmation he shows me his love and reminds me of the talent he has blessed me with.  I count it an honor each Sunday i get to play, no matter how short or long it may last. 

Tat's + BBQ = PC&E 25th anniversary

So my brother works for this company called PC&E and they rent out equipment for people to shoot things like commercials, videos and all sorts of other things.  My brother helps set up and prep the stages for the people who are coming to the warehouse.  Well this past Saturday PC&E had its annual party to celebrate its existence and to say thanks to all its clients.

I didn't see or notice any famous people there but it was still a blast.  One of the coolest things about this event was that the employees could invite their family and i guess close friends, so my entire family went and it was a blast.  There was cotton candy as soft and as big as clouds.  Popcorn that rivaled the theaters and best of all, little tattoo's that you could put on, so i put on a decorative one that had a heart and the word mom over the heart... I know the greatest son in the world.  

There was also these huge inflatables, one was a spongebob jumping one and the other was a great big slide.  I was the uncle climbing up the slide with nieces and nephews sliding down with them.  In fact, it was a really steep climb and so Kayle, my sisters little boy, loves these things but had trouble climbing them himself so as i trekked up this 25 foot steep hill i had him in one hand as i was helping pull myself up with the other, and when we summated the top i put him in my lap and we slid down... all for some pictures which my parents and other siblings have.

So then it came time to eat and they had Williamson's Brothers there but they also had some other people there who do BBQ and stew's for competitions and they were out of this world good.  The stew was incredible and what made it better was the ribs that complimented it.  The ribs were finger-licking good as they feel off the bones.  MMMMM MMMM.  So this night was a ton of fun and i enjoyed the time hanging out with my family.  

So when was the last time you were able to hang out with your family.  Please share your story, i know i would love to hear about it.

Mountains of fun

So Thursday i was privileged with getting to hang out with one of my favorite friends, Shannon White. (You should probably check out her blog)  Any ways, to start this whole shindig off i would just like to say i hate traffic.  Well now that i got that out of the way, lets move on.

Shannon and i met up at the QT off of Bells Ferry Rd. and so our adventure began, a little later then expected but it is because of traffic, which is dumb.  So as this adventure began i had planned it as a surprise kinda hang out deal.  I just told her what kinda clothes to wear and that was it.  So when we met at the QT she asked what we were doing and i told her the location and we headed off.  

We went to Kennesaw Mountain to look at some amazing views and get a little eat on but when we got there it was 30 minutes before the mountain trail closed so we had to change plans a little.  So we got to the top and checked out the first amazing view, but the smog and darkness of the night kinda hid some of the views like Stone Mountain.  But we got to see the ATL, what we thought was Buckhead, and Marietta among other places.  Well after we spent a little time there we went on a little walk, which is up hill and so a little strenuous for me, but she handled it like a pro.  Any who we got to the top and went to another look out and saw more of God's beautiful creation.  I mean he is amazing and pretty good at this creation stuff.

Well we stayed at that last look out for a few minutes and then remembered we had to be down the hill by 7:30 so we walked back to the car and made it down with a minute to spare.  Yes, good timing, i know.  Well the rest of the night we just drove around and talked about a ton of different things and it was just a great time to catch up and see where we were both at in life.  Well as we got back to the QT we said our goodbyes and went home.  Well she went home and i went to Echo.  So all in all it was a great night of adventure in fun.

Alaska to Tennessee to Georgia

Well while i was in Alaska i met this amazing team from Tennessee.  While i was there one of my prayers was that i would be able to bond and connect with a team in a huge way and God answered that prayer fully.  When the team got back from the the village that they had such a huge impact in we took them on a sight seeing trip and that is where i got to know them real well.  It was such an amazing time of bonding and just having a ton of fun.  I mean i talked about this team before in another blog entry in June called, What? Another late night pick up?  Well any who, i was able to trade information and cell phone numbers and i have been able to keep in contact with this team through Trey, he's a pretty cool guy.

And so two people from the team, Trey, and his brother-in-law Chris came down to a conference at First Baptist Woodstock and i met up with them for dinner.  It was an incredible time of hanging out and sharing stories.  A lot of good laughs and just an all around good time.  I loved every second of it and hope to be able to go up to Tennessee some time to visit them in their place of living.

Well here are a couple of pictures from the night. 

(Uh Oh where is Trey... behind my face is where he is.

Chris is in blue and Chris's wife Tina is behind him and 

there friend Amy is behind Trey)

(Oh There is Trey, up close and personal)

(And this is all of us)

And the lesson we have learned from the first and last pictures is this... Chili's employees need to work on photo taking.  I mean they are great and nice people, but a lack a little in the photo taking department.

He does actually answer prayers

So I went to Kennesaw Mountain today to do a little scouting and check out the old stompin grounds from the war days and i went back to this one little ledge hidden away on the right trail and just sat there for about thirty minutes and communed with God.  Had a little chat, a little one way deal, me talkin to him, for a little bit and then i just listened to God.

I have been recently distracted by something that is just so tiring.  Patience sucks but it is well worth it, just hard to stay strong with little affirmation.  And so i was just praying to God and listening to him.  But one main thing i prayed for was in relation to the complacency of my life.  I prayed that he would once again open my eyes and ears to the joys and struggles around me.

So anyway, i left that glorious view and walked back to my car... in the rainbows my brother bought me, BOO YAH! and i saw these two guys next to the lookout place i was going to and they mentioned Atlanta  and were pointing towards the wrong city... So i helped guide them, kinda like Alaska and talked to them briefly but one gentleman said he has been here five years and each time he tried to come to the top of the mountain the road to it was closed for hikers, until today.  So i told them of the great look out i had just come from, and they joked and said "Are you like a guide or something, i mean we could pay you, we have a few dollars."  We laughed, but i had to go so i said my goodbye and left.  I give myself a seven on the dismount, i feel i could have handled it better.

But all this to say that he answers prayers.  I had just prayed that my eyes and ears would be open up to the joys (Getting to the top of the mountain and going on a little hike) and struggles (being here five years and never making it to the top) of those around me.  I love God.

Collaboration of the Weekend

Well i dont know if you know this... but i love, love, LOVE the weekends.  It is a time of relaxing and just being at ease... it is wonderfully beautiful.  I mean it isn't like i am telling most of you anything new, i just wanted to throw this little opener in here.

Well my Friday night was a blast, started out with no plans, then i got a few and decided on the one where i could help my friend with the houseboat.  He got this houseboat two years ago i think and we have been fixing up little things here and there ever since.  The inside is 95% done and looks great, the outside on the other hand, not so much.  So let me tell you a story.

One of my friends commented on our buddies houseboat saying, "I really want to have a Halloween party and have it on the houseboat, i mean it isn't like we would have to change the outside because it is all ready scary enough."  So our friend, Scott Thom took that to heart.  I mean the outside of the boat isn't that bad but it could be spruced up so for the past week or so we have been fixing it up.  We painted the outside, did the trim around the windows and just about finished putting down the carpet tonight.  All of these projects have spanned a few weeks obviously but it is coming together swimmingly well.

Well Saturday as we woke up from our work night on the houseboat, my friend Luke and i met my brother at Dick's Sporting Good's and after not finding a pair of rainbows that fit, we went to look for a shirt for my brother. (haha) :)  So we went into Surftown and i saw the pair of rainbows that i thought would fit, and guess what, because of my fat feet, they didn't come close.  So we went back over to Dick's and got the first pair of rainbows that i thought could have been a little too big.  I love my brother for this belated birthday present.  So i eventually went home and rocked it out watching the movie Children of Men.  It was ok, nothing to write home about though, i mean if i didn't have this blog, i really wouldn't have mentioned it.

But Sunday... ewwww today was a blessing.  I was given the honor of playing hand percussion for North Metro for the main service upstairs in their theater.  It is a smaller and more personal venue.  But God rocked this morning.  Honestly every time i play i am constantly praying to just stop worrying about playing wrong things, or messing up, or to focus on worship not impressing others.  I mean God has blessed me greatly with this talent, and i am humbled by it.  I just get sooo nervous but God has comforted me with words of affirmation which i hold sooo soo dear, (They are one of my love languages).  Well that is all for now, I know Sunday was rushed but besides chicken and alfredo with the Thoms for lunch and then chicken and cheese quesadillas for dinner.  I am just resting peacefully, on my deck relaxing in this amazing windy and cloudy night that God has so beautifully and wonderfully made, waiting to watching Pushing Daisies with my Moo Moo.  Love that show.

Giving it ALL

Last night, there was this thing called Echo at North Metro.  (Kinda rhymed)  It is a college and 20's Bible Study on Thursday night.  The series is called NUMB3RS and it is on money and finances, your own that is.  Trust me on on this next group of words... it is interesting, well worth it and a humbling blessing.

We were posed with a question, can you give God everything?  I mean after all everything is spiritual, everything is his.  What are you doing with that other 90%.  What are you doing about debt.  Are you willing to give God your debt's, your loans?

As i left Echo tonight I prayed.  I basically said "God i find it so easy, and i find that i actually have given up family, friends, my life in some ways, but i haven't really given up money."  And as i thought about that, it dawned on me that i really hadn't actually given up anything.  Without giving up everything, i don't believe i had given up anything.  I mean sure at times i have sacrificed family, friends, and finances for him, but all in all i haven't given up everything.  I was left humbled and broken.  I am not that much into debt, but i am in debt.  I want to be out of it.  I want to be out of it in break neck speed.  I want to be free from slavery and bondage and in Gods authority.

I want to literally give everything to God.  I want to give my finances, family, friends, life, everything to him.  Yes... i am a Christ follower, but i haven't given up everything.  It is just... i don't know.  All i do know is that i desperately desire to give God my money and debts, i mean after all, everything is spiritual... right? 

Lets get real.

Today, tonight, whatever you want to say, we are going to get real.  I mean down to the nitty gritty real.  My better judgement is telling me to sensor my thoughts, considering this is going to the masses... and so because of that i am, but i will write this blog fully, then erase the parts that may be a little too graphic for all.  I mean if you want the full story, then please shoot me an email or respond in some way and i can send you the full unedited truth.  But realize this, don't read on if the truth scares you.

In this thing called taking back OUR story i am real... very real and upfront.  I just feel God gives us a sensor and at times we need to use it, out of respect for others.  So please don't take this intro as something that is against this blog and being upfront.  I want to tell the truth always and be strait-forward, but again the reason why i feel i can do some things doesn't mean others can or should do them as well.  We are all different and individual and unique.  Never lose the luster of that.  So all that to say, ask and you shall receive.  Now lets get real.

I guess this all starts back in Alaska.  As i was in Alaska, i had some amazing times with God and just growing in him.  One of my biggest fears was falling back into the complacency of where i was before i left.  I mean i had three months of a great escape into a new adventure and it was a blessing and well worth it.  But now... i am back in Georgia and it has only been two months and i have slipped right back into the traps and snares that got me before.  I hate looking back on this little bit that i have been back and seeing the lust that i am seeking after and falling into.  As i fall back into the things i hate i have no idea where this man God has been transforming me into has gone.  I hate it because as my mind is taken to a dark land of lust, the way i look at people, women, and the thoughts that encompass them, they are sometimes the furthest thing from what God desires.  These sins change the way i look at women and i despise it with everything in me.  I quite literally sat on the couch the other day and thought about it, i thought about the fear that i have fallen into.  I thought back to my greatest fear of coming back to my friends, house, and comfort zones and going back to a place where i don't want to continue to go.

You may be wondering where this is going... so let me tell you.  It is going towards love.

Did you get that?  This blog, this thought... its going towards love.  YES, LOVE!!!

While i was in Alaska, God continued to transform me from a man of hate and lust and greed, among other things, and HE continues to restore me to a man of LOVE, sacrifice, and service.  As God has continued to transform me, he has brought me to truths and showed me some amazing things.  As i fell back into my life of lust God would teach me something in the most unlikely of times.  As soon as my conscience caught up with me i would get this overwhelming feeling of Love from God.  I thought back to the scriptures that I was reading, 1 Corinthians 13, more specifically 1 Corinthians 13: 5 " Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged."  As i find myself in a place of brokenness, as i think i have failed and am worth nothing, God's love shines through all of that, and it is as if he whispers "Paul I still love you, I keep no record of any of this. I LOVE YOU."  Also, i was reading this book called Soul Cravings by Erwin McManus and then i just stopped reading it for awhile, but i have just picked it back up and started reading the first chapter... if thats what you can call it even, where i had left off and some amazing truth was brought out and shown to me.

In the book Erwin mentioned God is an unconditional lover, who pursues us with everything no matter what.  No matter how many times we reject him, he is still giving his unconditional love.  He has love for us no matter what.  His love is unconditional.  I agree with Erwin when he mentions that we find God's love so unreal and can't fathom something that is unending no matter what.  He gives the example of the woman caught in adultery in John 8: 1-11 and mentions how Jesus forgave her.  He didn't hold her sins against her, he didn't shove them right in her face.  He forgot the wrong and asked that she sin no more.  He asked that she accept his unconditional love and live her life for him.  It is such a beautiful picture of Gods unconditional love, this love i feel so often, even in my worst of times.

As I think about this love though, i desire to give that to others, i desire so much to love others unconditionally.  I desire with everything in me to pursue God with everything and love him.  But honestly i find myself pursuing people and relationships more fervently then God sometimes.  Just as in Song of Songs where the woman searches high and low for her lover, i desire to search for God like that.  I know he is looking for me like that, I also know that God is right there just waiting for me sometimes, but at times i choose the relationships i can see right in front of me.  It makes me wonder, as i pursue one other, is that right, is God allowing me this, or is it just me.  As i think about this, i remember that i may be pursuing this one girl, but more then that... my whole desire is to search and seek after God and as i do that i believe i am his will.  So all in all i think worrying about the pursuit of another is sometimes a useless worry and distraction, but at other times i think you need to check yourself and where your priorities are.  I mention all of this to ask a question of myself, but also to pose a question to you, how deep does your love for your heavenly father go.  Does it go to Sundays and Wednesdays, to an occasional Bible study, or to a song or two, or is it with your whole life.

I know i personally find myself constantly making sure that i am pursuing him above all others and that i am seeking him.  As i am on this journey, as God grows me, i find him restoring me into this man of love, sacrifice and service.  I find him restoring me to passionately lay down everything for him.  I find him restoring me and whispering his unconditional love for me... no matter what. 

Jealousy... it is a bitter green monster. :)

So I am pretty pumped about this post, it lets you know a little about my childhood... so enjoy. :)

Well last week we moved my sister into her new apartment, as some of you reading this blog will know.  So while we, the kids of our family, helped April move, the grandkids stayed with the parents and played at our house.  Well we finally got April moved in and we were all home and my nephew Vann was huffing and puffing and so my mom said she was going to help him by breaking out some new toys.  I had know idea what she was referring to but was wondering what these "new" toys were.

Well my mom brings out this plastic crate full of memories.  I looked inside the plastic... tub more then crate actually, and just reminisced for a few minutes.  I kept on finding myself just drawn to touch and fool around with these toys.  It was so cool to uncover some of these lost and forgotten toys.  I mean so many of these hold some great memories.  Most of them are from one of the greatest TV shows of all times, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and there are even some from Duck Tales... wait, not duck tales but another show with a duck and he was a super hero... if you think about it, let me know.  Any who it was a blast!  I mean it was sooo cool! My nieces had a hard time getting me away from those toys, i mean Vann and i just played for a long time with those toys.

Well enough talking about these toys, here are some pictures... try not to get jealous. :)

(Yep, you are looking pretty much all the original pieces of TMNT...

including the pizza shooting vehicle)

(This toy is amazing, called a dragon fly. They had a show.

But this toy is sitting on a dragon, you pull the dragon's tail

and it shoots the guy in the air and he FLYS DOWN!!!)

(MMMM good old TMNT movies, and yes, that is a raisin)

(The Box of Sweet Sweet Goodness and Memories)

Worrying Response

This is a response to my friends Shannon's blog, i figured this was a better place to put large amounts of texts.  So this is a response to Love-Hate Relationship.

I worry so much myself over things i can't control.  I find myself failing to the same problems and sins over and over again, and as i slip further down that hill, i become more entrenched in the muck and grime and it is harder to clean off.  Literally so hard to get rid of something that i think is coating me.  Funny thing is though, i am clean because someone took my sins away.  I know i am pure and looked at as such by my heavenly father no matter what and when i ask for forgiveness, but just because i can do something doesn't really mean i should... or should i.

Honestly that is a rhetorical question, i know it is truth that i shouldn't do something just because i can.  It is interesting to me though that as i constantly read over 1 Corinthians 13: 1-13 God shows me his truth and light.  How does this have to do with worry, because everything is spiritual and everything that i do in my life affects me and the way i think.

I have no suggestions for my friend Shannon on how to counteract these daily battles because i find myself struggling to trust God and to give over everything that i am about.  I find myself lost within myself hoping that i will find an answer about relationships, about jobs, about school about life.  I find myself not trusting and God and trying to grab on to things that don't matter and are not in my control.  Honestly the only advice that i would have is to chase and run after God with everything that you have.  As i have sought his face it has given me peace and joy.  As i have treasured the literal word of my father he has brought me wisdom and discernment, but in all of that i still find myself worrying about the future, and all these little pieces of my life i try to fit into certain places instead of God helping me be whole.  I find myself following my heart instead of God protecting it for me.

I know these thoughts are jumbled up together, but you know what, i am consumed with something that doesn't matter, that only hurts me... and that is worry.  I wish i could offer something of a little more substance but i can't.  I just trust in God and he continues to fill me up and lead me on this thing called life, and when i rest in his arms, joy... not worry consumes me.

Rest in him for he is by your side whenever you call.

Oh da Baby

So October 2, 2008 at about 1:30 p.m. my mom calls me and tells me to get the camera ready for her because my sister went in for an appointment and said the baby was a comin out, so they induced her.

So i went to my classes since i had a project due in my last class and longingly waited to get to my intercultural communication class ( a first i might at) and present, turn in the paper, and dip out.  So i finally got to my class presented and rocked it out.

So as i called my mom to rush to the hospital i found out i was about to head to the wrong one, and that my sister wasn't probably going to have the baby for a few more hours... oh and this is about 5:20 p.m. My sister never has babies that quickly.  But anywho i feed the dogs, get some burgers... sad day McDonalds raised the double cheeseburger 19 cents. I mean fo real?  So i got to the hospital and found out she was at 5 centimeters. A few hours later and a miracle happens, but no one comes out and tells us until about 20 to 30 minutes after.

But there was a little complication after the birth with April so they had to do some minor surgery and they sent up the new little baby up to the nursery.  And here are the pictures.

(This is a clock outside the nursery we probably 

arrived about ten minutes before i took this picture)

Yep that little ray of sunshine you cant see... thats her)

(And there)

(And that is as close as we got after waiting pretty

much an hour, slightly saddened... a lot saddened actually)

So this is a picture of a girl they placed right next 

to the window, even though she is a little whiter then

RYLYNN ROSE (The name of my beautiful baby niece)

i wanted to get a picture close up of a baby.

So here is a picture of a random girl... YAY!!!